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Morning men, women of 9NEWS make Olympic bid

3:36 PM, Feb 5, 2014   |    comments
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KUSA - It just wouldn't be the Olympics without our morning show tradition of trying to put together our very own Olympic team.

While we never seem to be able to medal, let alone compete, we do try, under the questionable guidance of a shadowy coach named Boris Kreskov, who's left us this entry from his training diary.

Boris Kreskov Training Diary Excerpt

Miracle On Ice Team. Dan Jansen. Apollo Ohno. This, is not their story. I can only wish. I am Kreskov. Boris Kreskov.

Da, have tried many times. Nyet, never go to Big Dance. Was hoping this time.. different? Added assistant, Natasha. Former KGB.
Took team deep inside secret 9NEWS Ice Training Base.

Offseason hard on longer Spring Chickenski. But I push through. Surveillance photos show proof.

Did hockey FAQ. Did flexibility training, with patented Gumby warmup. Finally lost temper; sent them out, including irritating Science Guy.  

At practice, became clear. Most were stinking. Lots of wall clingers. Disappointing. Make Boris sick. Time for pepping talk, and Katy Perry music.

Was going well. Brought out real skaters to inspire. But then, idiots broke into hockey fight.  

Was like Chernobyl. No surprise.

Took team photo as souvenir. Should probably keep.


Editor's Note

Boris and company want to thank the folks at the Hyland Hills Ice Centre at The Promenade for putting up with this madness, along with all the real competitive skaters who helped show us how it's really done.

(KUSA-TV © 2014 Multimedia Holdings Corporation)

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